Working with Japan: Navigating the Honne-Tatemae Dilemma

“The Japanese are so friendly, but I really wish they would tell it like it is.”

“Why can’t my Japanese colleagues just be direct? It would be so much easier to get things done.”

Sound familiar?

If you have lived in Japan or worked with the Japanese, you may have had these thoughts yourself and faced similar frustrations. Many Westerners, like myself, prefer a more direct and upfront communication style. We see it as a way to gain efficiency and to save time.

The Japanese, however, tend to be indirect communicators, where “Yes” may not mean yes and “No” is rarely spoken in reply to an ask, an invitation, or an opinion. Indirectness is seen as a way of keeping harmony and not offending those around you.

• Honne translates to “true sound” and refers to what is thought or said privately; a person’s true feelings and desires — [what you think]
• Tatemae translates to “facade” and refers to what is expressed in public; not necessarily the truth — [what you say]

Westerners value directness, believing that “speaking your mind” is important for building relationships and creating trust; what one thinks should be expressed openly. The Japanese, however, value harmony, believing that compassion and cooperation will lead to strong bonds and move things forward; what one thinks should not always be spoken.

To the Japanese, tatemae is an important part of thoughtfulness, politeness, and making others feel comfortable. Japan is such a group-oriented society that “white lies” are often constructed to avoid hurt feelings, smooth social functioning, and create group cohesion. Stretching the truth, or even lying, can be a good thing if it can avoid conflict.

So how do you navigate honne & tatemae? How can you do your best work when you don’t even know if what people are telling you is true?

A good place is to start is by observing non-verbal communication. Eye contact, facial expressions, and body language are important indicators of what someone is really trying to say. If someone avoids eye contact or turns their body slightly away from you when speaking, this could mean they are not being honest or sincere. Is their smile genuine? If you look closely you may be able to tell. We’ve all been able to spot a fake smile or two.

If language is vague instead of specific, this could also be another indication that someone might not be saying what they think — “I’d love to have coffee sometime” [vague] vs. “We should get coffee Wednesday after work” [specific]. It’s not an easy thing to navigate. Even the Japanese can have a hard time discerning if another Japanese person is being genuine or not. When in doubt, ask an informant or confidant. Establish a connection with a local you can rely on to help interpret situations and read between the lines.

The most important way to navigate between honne and tatemae is to build close personal relationships. If you put in the effort and time to get to know your colleagues and to make friends, you will begin to see a shift from honne to tatemae. Tatemae will be strong at first, but once relationships are built, it will lessen. Take an interest in your co-workers and team, find commonalities, interact socially; do what you can to build camaraderie and trust. This will make you more approachable and make others feel they can be more open and honest with you. The closer the relationship, the more likely your Japanese counterpart will open up and tell you what she really thinks. Just be careful what you wish for.

Contact me at hello@nicolebarile.com to learn more about working across cultures, or visit me here.

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